I’ve missed you. My senses are piqued because I can word the conversations I have with myself on this platform. I want to say so much, but I do not know where to start. There are posts I have planned to write for this platform, I want to write them for you, and I will, but I want to also write as effectively as I can and this can only happen when the message reaches the tip of my tongue and can eventually be expressed. When I become so passionate about expressing a particular topic, I then can do it wholeheartedly. Loving, acting, and feeling wholeheartedly is important. Which brings me to the premise of this topic.
Revelations, and reminders of what you already know are fruitful. A caprice was triggered by a revelation I experienced whilst thinking about being happy for people, genuinely happy for people. Alongside this, my realisation was that I want to be living and breathing the words that are falling from my lips. For these words to be soaked in truth as they come out of me. This became my desire; to honestly mean my words of encouragement, to honestly be happy for people. At that moment, it meant so much for me to dive into that way of being because I sensed a direct relationship with my struggles, downfalls and insecurities. Offering encouragement that I meant with only half of my heart suffocated me, I couldn’t breathe and I wanted to free myself from such a drawback.
Disclaimer: I want to be as transparent as I can to you, it will allow me to serve the purpose of this platform as well as this post. Transparency allows for people to have a clearer view of who you are, so that when I give my two pence it is not a mere mirage.
When I look at my life, I am not where I want to be. There are moments where I am grateful for how far I have come, and there are times where I am clouded by insecurities. Everyone has insecurities which are birthed by a number of agents. For the sake of this post and the aim of my message, I will focus on security/insecurity with regards to societal expectations and the impact this has on our personal relationships (and societal validation). This really needs an essay, nonetheless I will express which ideologies gravitate towards my being. My belief is that insecurity influences people and their relations in society. But how? And what have I decided to do about my own?
Berki (1986) presented the argument that personal security is closely connected to society, as well as personal, reciprocal relationships. The social paradox of security means that we are vulnerable in our relationships, as well as with strangers, but in its extreme form, we may also see each other as threats and enemies. He went on to highlight that issues of security also present moral questions on society’s organisation and how law and rules govern securities. I never fail and will continue to not do so in voicing the pressures against us when it comes to societal expectations which are clearly detrimental to our security. On top of this layer, we are expected to achieve a handful of accomplishments which are presented to us on a timeline that is not empathetic to the uniqueness of our individual paths. These accomplishments rule out the validation of other accomplishments which applies more pressure to channel our energy into a direction we quite frankly do not want to go in. Many of us know… it’s a lot to take in.
When it then boils down to those who are surrounding us, we are faced with so much pressure and thought processes that highlight our insecurities. When we are not secure in an “accomplishment” that is expected at a particular age, and converse with others who have achieved; perhaps we find it difficult to be happy for them wholeheartedly, because we are reminded of an accomplishment we have not yet achieved. I would be naive to think this comes from a negative place, because there are many explanations which could be presented that highlight why these thought processes occur and where they come from. We must find ways to avoid this way of being; its part of the process of unlearning the social constructions presented over time. Most of the time I am happy for the accomplishments that my loved ones achieve. It leaves me whole. Sometimes, I lose sight of my security, which troubles my existential drive. When I had the revelation that I wanted to love and speak with purity and mean what I say to people, a burden was lifted from my shoulders and I felt a sense of freedom, and contentment. I felt as though I was no longer blocking the accomplishments waiting for me, and that those who seeked my advice about their lack of accomplishment were lifted from this burden too. It was spiritual to me. One must not offer words of encouragement whilst prioritising their accomplishment/or lack of. Put simply, you cannot think “as long as I get there first” whilst saying “you can do this come on!” because you have prioritised your competitive nature, mixed with the weight of pressure as more important than the struggle being encountered by the individual seeking your words of encouragement. Make sure your words are genuine. Life will become easier for you. You will channel the rest of the energy in a place where it is needed, and X will feel the depth of your passion more. This is what I mean by loving wholeheartedly, and meaning what you say. Your words become thick, and very rich in their taste. Do not dilute your words with a hint of bitterness because you will be presented with a burden. Try to not compare yourself because your path is different, this way you will avoid numerous un-needed existential and identity crises.
Right now, I feel like I can be attentive to one’s feelings without prioritising my own. This process of selflessness has developed me to become a better version of myself. I am unlearning, stripping myself of garments forced onto me that did not fit. I will see you soon.
Her Last Petal.
Reference: Berki, R. N. (1986). Security and society: Reflections on law, order and politics. London, Dent.