Sin and Forgiveness.

WORDS FROM A PETAL, WORDS FROM THE PETAL

And that he died for all, that they which live should not henceforth live unto themselves, but unto him which died for them, and rose again” 2 Corinthians 5:15

God revealed something to me I felt necessary to share because it’s so important. God doesn’t want us to sin because of the damage it does to us. Whilst condemning myself for responding badly towards sin, his soft voice simply said “Jesus came so that your sins could be forgiven. You are forgiven my child. I don’t want you to sin simply because of the damage it causes to you”. This stood out so much because God’s view of sin made sense. For God, every sin is viewed from a birds eye perspective. There is no height, depth or width. The aftermath of our sinful behaviour is what defines our positions and so it is important to go through a journey of dealing with how you respond to the act. I’ve realised that I quickly forget I am forgiven, because I’m so used to beating myself up. Forgive yourself too, and deal with how you respond to your wrongdoings so that you can be in a grounded position of never going back there. You’re forgiven. God wants you to focus on dealing with the damage it does especially when your conscience level heightens. It’s a work in progress, this is what I tell myself all the time. I just want God to rest in my temple, I want so badly for him to walk comfortably into my presence and to experience peace. It’s a work in progress.

Until next time Petals.

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Let People Experience the Fullness of Your Love

WORDS FROM A PETAL, WORDS FROM THE PETAL
I’ve never been so happy to be grounded in the formula of love, and to understand that everything relates to love. It’s easy to fall back into old habits when you lose touch of love because of issues surrounding you. You begin to dwell on them so much that you forget that above all, love wins.  Being out of touch with love results in being out of touch in your relationships because you’re not in a stable relationship with love. I’m learning that the personal relationship I have with God is a mirror to the relationships I have with the people around me. When I haven’t dined with God, I forget who I am and become clouded by insecurity that I don’t know how to manage my stresses, and those closest to me feel the volume of my silence. I’m sorry, and I’m sorry in advance. Though days won’t be perfect, I made a covenant to God some time ago to work on our relationship, and since then, the rest of my relationships have been falling into place. New relationships have been making sense. 
For some time now, I have been in such a happy place. Regardless of the chaos, I have been able to wake up with enough gratitude to carry on, to brighten the lives of those around me, and to spend time with God. I recently had a strange shift in my mood in the last couple of weeks. I felt myself slipping back into old habits of thinking negatively, and not trusting in the timing of God. Perhaps it was clouded thoughts about the future, the small but impactful mini existential crises I kept having, or something as simple as the seasons changing. Whatever it was brought back familiar negative habits of overthinking and worrying. It felt like entering back into a home I was once so comfortable in. The smell of worry and fear was familiar, there was no light there. I noticed how easy it is to slip back into old habits. I’m glad I’ve gained enough strength to walk out, because I have successfully done so before. My solution is my own testimony. I quickly realised that for what it’s worth, I could walk out of this familiar place. So I did. I made a freshly pressed green juice, reconnected with the word, and picked it up from where God and I had left off.
The result of letting go of old habits meant I was able to refocus my energy on what matters. The state of my relationship with God was becoming unstable, and this was affecting my immediate relationships. I was spending time in deep thought, distracted by worries and yet the small responsibilities contributing to the major issues where not being dealt with. I want to encourage you to work on yourself, to develop your mental state so that people can experience the fullness of your presence when they are around you. I want to clarify that I am not telling you to be happy when you are around people rather, just be transparent and seek to develop people through your experiences. Let everything that leaves your mouth seek to develop your loved ones in one way or another. Always be reflective. The aim of this post was to simply remind you to take good care of yourself and practise love so much that your cup overfills and runs over those around you. Though my week was challenging, I made a promise to write to my readers because in everything that takes place, there is a reason. It is your choice to distinguish what that reason may be.  

A Life Update

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I am the happiest woman. Not for what I do, but for how much of God is involved in what I do, what I experience and who I experience Love with, and for. The future is now. The seeds I longed to walk through once tall, are here. I am so happy that I was ready to embrace these moments. Thank you Lord for showing me Love in its purest form. I am where I belong.

My year has been based on the substratum of honoring God. This has enabled my relationships to deepen, and my experiences are embraced with a sense of fearlessness. The functioning of my mental processes are esoteric and so many complexities arise as a result. God is showing me more of his face and less of other people thus, the extent to which I rely on the presence of others to understand my processes has lessened. I finally can understand from this labour intensive journey that, not many people can do so, and in fact I shouldn’t expect so much from them. Now that I can turn to God with these emotions, I find that I overcome them through rationalising the reality. To God be the glory. This is something I should’ve applied a long time ago, but my senses were not quiet enough to be attentive to the voice of God which reminded me earlier this year that I needn’t make any choices, for he is the first as reflected in Mathew 6:33 “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these. things shall be added unto you”. The last time the music stopped, I gave myself the chance to learn from what the irregular rhythms were teaching me. I am now able to anticipate the song of life, and dance according to the rhythm of Christ.

The result of immersing into the journey of being a Christ follower has also meant I have honest conversations with myself. My journey has no elements of equivocation, because I no longer fear the departure of a human being, whether that be family, friend, or lover. The sweetest words from someone cannot be compared to Gods embrace. I’m seeking comfort in God before anyone else because that is the foundation of my reassurance and validation; the only one that will remain consistent. Understand that if everything you rely on is in man before God, you are vulnerable at all times. Seek and live under the comfort of the Lords word because his is the sweetest and purest of them all. Abrupt departures won’t be so intense. Letting go won’t be so difficult. Loving, won’t be so difficult.

 Love without expectation. Love enough to let go when necessary. Love in a way which honours the Lord. Don’t be in a position where you find yourself wanting, where you are needed. Through practicing the act of Love, I realise that I do not expect much from life. Through finding comfort in God, I realise that he listens better than anyone else. I have healed, and am continuing to do so.

Love always,

HLP x

Self Love

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For a long time I chose to practice the act of self-love. After a while, I began to realise that the grounds on which my love relied on where not enough for the woman I wanted to become and am becoming. I then decided to break the whole concept down instead of just doing without any real establishment of how and why. I must acknowledge the women and men who practice self-love. We are all different and it is important to find what is right for you and to run with it. Those who do, have served as a great example through breaking the social norms established by a number of institutions over several years, and serve as an amazing example to those who don’t, and to those who are yet to radically love who they are. I applaud you.

I began with Love. The descriptions of love were useful in guiding me on ways to practice what it means. Though I was searching for a definition, I needed to know what it meant for me to practice it in its fullness. In exploring Love through discussions with a number of people, and reading, there were several things I learnt, and was reminded of. I remember reading Paulo Coelho’s The Witch of Portobello, where he wrote “Love simply is”. This resonated with me so well because I didn’t want to confine something through establishing a fixed and restricted space for it. In practicing this self-love, I made affirmations often, I felt beautiful, but there were voids I couldn’t quite get my head around.

In my early stages of redirecting a life to Christ, I began to explore Jesus’s life and it was where I found many of the answers I’d been searching for. I saw a tangible example of love through action in him. A personification of love and it was in the bible where love was defined.

 “And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.” (1 John 4:16)

If God is Love, what is it that God does to lead as an example of what it means to practise Love? There are ample examples which can be identified in the bible. In regards to self-love my experiences tell me that one simply cannot love in a profound way if one does not know what it means to love who they are first. Put simply, self-love is loving yourself despite all of the factors that will distract you not to. If God is love, then surely to Love myself is to see myself through the eyes of the Lord. If I am made in the image of God (Genesis 1:26-27), there is no reason to question the beauty carved by the hands of someone who made me in his image. Now I look at my reflection and I feel complete, even with the imperfections. The epitome of God’s commitment to us regardless of  falling short of doing good, we are loved and forgiven. What I love the most about this definition is that it will never change, it is fixed forever. Each day I am attentive to the attributes of love, so I too can embody them, in order to love myself and to love those around me.

As always,

Love always

HLP xo

Make the Most Out of Social Media

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Social Media shares characteristics comprising of participation, openness, conversation, community, and connectedness. These are descriptives used to best identify exactly what social media involves. When used appropriately, I truly believe there is so much we can take from it in order to grow personally, in friendships, artistic fields and business ideas.

There are a number of negative posts I bump into being promoted, to encourage or inform fellow users that being alone is enough, or that you don’t need friends, or even that we shouldn’t trust anyone. It has become a huge issue because instead of concluding on the belief that users are inheriting a level of immaturity, this may be a cry out for help. The idea of letting the world know that you are content with being alone becomes a walking contraction for it defeats the purpose of why you are posting such words.

Just be. Don’t feel you need to prove anything to anyone.

We are not designed to be alone.

It is ok to not be ok. Speak to someone if your trust has been broken because it is important that we find trustworthy people to share with.

Don’t spend time tallying your likes against others.

Make the most of social media. Use it to your advantage.

Don’t let it define you for it will take a lot of the time you could be spending on more impactful areas of your life.

Don’t feel guilty about making memories on your platforms, just remember to also spend time enjoying the experiences.

If you were to leave this earth, and someone could understand you through your timeline of visuals and words, what would you want them to see? This could happen at any time.

Connect to make a social impact. Connect to transform lives. Connect to

create businesses. Connect to love. Connect to transform, even if it’s just one life.

Love always, HLP x

How much of Subjectivity can a Christian really apply to their faith?

WORDS FROM A PETAL, WORDS FROM THE PETAL

We lose ourselves so much in the imitation of others that we find it deeply unnatural to relearn ourselves”. @dhanyero_wacho

I agree. I also feel that “it’s the image of ourselves we see through the perception of others”. You’re right. It takes a lot of time to unravel this thought and my belief is that I will only manage to explore a grain of your statement based on the recent experiences I have had.  I’ll discuss the grain of Subjectivity.

I’ll begin with how we feel we have authority over the power of Subjectivity. I personally love Subjectivity; the premise of all research I believe, should be based on Subjectivity. It offers an individual the ability to create and redefine truth based on personal empathy. With this being said, in all its beauty I find the biggest of issues because in having the flexibility to structure truth in ways we feel are most comfortable for us, we lose the ability to draw the line. We may lose ourselves even; and in losing ourselves we mismanage choice.

Practising Subjectivity in almost all we decide gives us the ability to explore and learn. Subjectivity must always be within context. Once applied to the simplicity of being Christian, it becomes complicated and we lose authority over the ability to seek spiritually what is in Christ in order to fulfil our God given purposes. My gut tells me I have already touched on a sensitive topic relating to what it means to seek and to hear spiritually from God, or even how does one get to know their “God given purpose”?; lets save that for another day. The consequence in this is that we lose. When you’re losing, the best way to stay afloat is to rely right? So in losing spiritual guidance from God we rely on ourselves and our surroundings to guide us because we are further away from the truth we say we are seeking. These theories and ways of life (sometimes unknowingly justified) begin to guide us, although deep down we know that our knew found conclusions on how to channel through life are not what we truly identify with. We are relying on our own theories that we become comfortable with who we have become. A lot of the times we may see our peers living in ways that may be detrimental to our spirit selves, and we rely on the justification that “if he/she is doing it (and they are Christian) then it must not be that bad”. I recently wrote “let me be the Christian who doesn’t rely on others wrongdoings in order to justify my own”. Excuse me if I have gone off tangent, we are dealing with attempting to define truth. All theory is based on seeking a truth; I’m not saying I am right, or wrong. I don’t know. I speak only from experience.

I recently experienced the presence of God upon me one morning. Whilst questioning God out of frustration and anger, I then felt an overwhelming peace. In that moment of silence, I felt these words fall upon me:

“You’re always fighting through choices on how to feel, behave, and act in many areas of your life. The problem should’ve never been the choice. It’s not about the choice you make, rather the journey you take. Didn’t we already establish that I am the choice? I am the choice. Just pay attention to the journey”

Experience is the best teacher. Regardless of the choices; it’s the experiences that establish how rich we are as individuals. The experiences hold the lessons we are called to testify. I think truth comes from understanding what life is really about. If you establish your understanding of why you’re here, (as a Christian) that is to spread the good news. Then there are a few factors that should come into mind. These factors I believe should enable you to gain that control and authority in redefining who you are based on your core beliefs; based on your core truths, rather than believing in the subjective truths that lead you to loss of control and identity, to the point you lose control of who you are and are seriously struggling to get back to base. A point where your identify has been moulded as a result of assimilation. I’m sure if you’re in this place of sever discomfort with your identity you’re asking God to bail you out. I can relate.

Patterning your own religion to adhere to your personal standards of what God is asking from you is dangerous. This is where I feel my Subjectivity and conformity to imitation has consequently led me to a place of loss. Loss of who I am that is.

So the questions now are; how does one strip back to basics in order to truly understand what God is asking for? If I can’t interpret according to my own instincts then am I even relevant? Am I not giving God too much authority over my life and leaving myself with nothing? Is it not almost like losing your identity on another spectrum? What does it mean to have a relationship with God? What does it mean to be a child of God? Alongside these questions, what if I am wasting my time? What is truth if there is no tangible evident? Allow me to assign myself homework to tackle these Existential issues in the coming weeks. Allow yourself to tackle these questions and share with others, and myself what your thoughts are. I’ll speak to you very soon, have a beautiful week.

Fulfilling My Purpose

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Something about this season has been pushing me to pursue my callings in order to fulfill my purpose. My purpose has been meaning more to me than ever before because of my desire to experience more of God’s presence in my life. For a long time, I was finding ways to justify my lack of ability to conform to my passions and in the end I was beginning to lose myself and felt that those around me where unable to experience me at my best. Upon realising this, my heart broke as I have always been someone who lives with a desire to ensure people have a place in my heart and can experience doses of God in me. I was really lost in all my insecurities. I feel I am here because of my purpose and not because of the me I have become. This version of me has been building itself over a course of two years and I have a lot to unlearn in order to come back home to myself. I want to share my journey and challenge myself creatively. I want to offer myself another outlet in order to breathe more. At the moment, the foundation of my channel is not clear and will soon be established the more I encounter revelations about its premise. I just know that I am meant to be here. I also want this to accommodate the people that like the idea of topics I write about on Herlastpetal but don’t necessarily enjoy the idea of reading and prefer visuals. I want to reach as many people as possible and feel offering myself an extra space will support me in my blogging journey. There are so many issues I found with my video but watching it through God’s eyes (whose vision does not see imperfections), I was able to push myself in posting it. Ladies and Gentlemen (or shall I say “Petals”), I welcome you to my Youtube Channel.

For more videos, COMMENT, LIKE, SHARE, AND SUBSCRIBE.

Love Always

HLP X

Loving Through the Eyes of the Lord

WORDS FROM A PETAL, WORDS FROM THE PETAL

Last night, a woman told me that God was presenting me with a new vision. One that sees through his eyes. I found this so profound. A few weeks ago I had a beautiful discussion with one of my best friends about love and it’s multifaceted ways. I am so moved by my recent experiences and discussions with and through God that I must share. Upon receiving this prophecy, I began to reflect on the ways I’ve shown love to people and things around me. I compared these ways to how God may react and despite me rightfully showing compassion I realised a huge difference. I noticed there was so much more I needed to do and so many other ways I needed to show love. It is one thing to know what love involves but another thing to apply it effectively. It’s not always easy. Love is a very selfless act a lot of the time.

We can often find ourselves passionately disagreeing out of love and misunderstanding because we expect a conventional love; since it’s what we have been programmed to expect. To exemplify, expecting someone to say “I love you” in order to validate that love to make yourself feel better. We want our loved ones to show us in ways we expect but there is a serious problem with our expectations because they can sometimes become unobtainable. Then we get disowned by friends, family, and loved ones. For me, seeing through the eyes of the Lord exposes me to a love that’s different. A love that is Galations 5:22. A love that is proof through actions because they speak volumes. A love that is patient; able to give space when space is required in order to know how patience feels and that it’s not just about waiting. A love that finds and creates a peace in loud environments, one that is a leader by example, shows kindness, goodness and faithfulness. I don’t expect this love to be easy but for what it’s worth I’ll try. My lens is new and it’s one I will need to get used to because my vision is blurry but for what it’s worth, I’ll do it. Love through the eyes of the lord.

I’ll speak to you soon.

Right Now Matters

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I’m currently going through a transcript of an interview I did with an amazing  artist. I’m also watching a film called While We Where Young. I asked my interviewee whether he writes based on imagination or reality, to which he told me that he is an empathetic being. For him this means he adapts himself to his social surroundings. For example, I could tell him about my story of pain and if he relates to it em-pathetically, he can write about it. I’m drifting between the words he said to me and what’s happening in the film. The film: About a middle aged couple inspired by a younger couple to make the most of living in the moment (this being one of the many themes). The main character is reminded of his age when he takes a trip to the doctors and is told that he has arthritis in his knee. I pause and go back to my conversation with the interviewee. I then think about my own life. I’m immediately triggered as a creative to write about my surroundings and my encounter with this film. So here i am; being empathetic to his situation because I’m reminded that when I turn 40, I don’t want to be living life regretting a life I should’ve lived. I don’t want to relive an age because I didn’t embrace it then. This means right now matters. Firstly, I want to thank my interviewee for unknowingly allowing me to go through this journey with myself. I also want to thank the film for reminding me that I am seriously a hypochondriac, and that this is not my portion.

2018 has so far been a year of fearlessness and action. This is why I have enjoyed it. I have de-cluttered, thus creating room for newer experiences and people in my life. I have also embarked for the umpteenth time on my relationship with God but this time it’s different, this time it’s in a healthier place. I’m prioritising my health on a physical and mental premise. It has been on my heart to write about these areas in more depth but the words have escaped me until now and I will go into more depth in future posts throughout this year. I’m happy to be here, because I know in a few months’ I’ll pass through on this post and smile. Part of the process of de-cluttering to create space means I need to get rid of poems I’ve written, ideas I’ve had in my mind, attitudes I’ve embodied I no longer identify with, and so much more. This may seem quite abrupt though I know you will understand this; that when it’s time for something to be given to the universe, it is time. I want to introduce you to a very old but new poem which has been hidden in my emails for many, many months.

I figured I needed a place to express this journey of de-cluttering and Her Last Petal feels right, join me as I let go of moments, that have made me who I am, moments that I Love. Like I said; I don’t want to be a certain age regretting that I didn’t leave my craft for the universe to unfold. Thank you to my loved ones for inspiring and pushing me to get myself out there as a creative. I love you all.

This is my first poem of the year.

KATANAS PEAK

A poem about a samurai sword acknowledging her infinite powers whilst stabbing. A poem also about myself acknowledging the impact of my presence in society as a woman.

 

Produced by Steve Roe